Q4. Writing Assessment (20%)
Below is an English composition written by a 12th grader. (1) Use a table to mark each error in the composition and provide every corresponding written corrective feedback to improve its accuracy,clarity, and coherence. (2) Provide an overall suggestion after making corrections. Note that your feedback should be specific enough (but not too overwhelming) to help the student know how to improve their writing. Provide some writing strategies appropriate for this student
說明:1.依提示在「答案卷」上寫一篇英文作文。
2.文長至少120個單詞(words)
提示:排隊雖是生活中常有的經驗,但我們也常看到民眾因一時好奇或基於嘗鮮心理而出現大排長龍(form a long line)的現象,例如景點初次開放或媒體介紹某家美食餐廳後,人們便蜂擁而至。請以此種一窩蜂式的「排隊現象」為題,寫一篇英文作文。第一段,以個人、親友的經驗或報導所聞為例,試描述這種排隊情形;第二段,說明自己對此現象的心得或感想。
My friend, Mina, and I have a sweet tooth, Last week, we heard from a TV commercial that a famous bakery had opened a branch in our neighborhood. There, a special kind of cream puff is sold and said to have been incredibly delicious. We were so excited that we had no choice but scream out. Out of curiosity, we decided to go and see. However, as we approched the bakery, a long line extending to the block has already formed. We wanted to give up, but we couldn't fight
the lure of the mouth-watering picture of the cream puff. So we waited in the line. Some people were staring at their phone to pass time, others seemed restless and lack of patience, complaining about the wait. Inspite of the long wait, we believed the cream puff is worth it. Time passed by, the line moved very slowly, and the sun was getting hotter. Not until an hour later that I finally reached to the front. However, just as I was about to order, the staff announced that the cream puffs were
sold out. Some customers sighed with disappoint, and others, just like Mia and I, were simply left quietly. "It's not fair,we've beenwaiting for over an hour!"Mia murmured. The result iswe waited for nothing, which made us look silly.
This frustrating experience made me realize that sometimes people just follow the crowd without second thought. Maybe some in the line had no interest in the cream puffs but just because they saw others doing the same. In the end, we couldn't help wondering was it worth spending so much time for a small dessert? In my opinion, if I knew the cream puffs were limited, I would go to the bakery earlier. However, Mia had said she would definitely not line up for anything, even if it is her favorite dessert!